Writing about rights...

An acquaintance once called me “every feminist's nightmare”.

I was confused; whether I should be relieved or insulted - because,

(a) I wasn't sure that feminism was even a good word and

(b) I am all about fighting for my rights and the rightful place for women even though I wouldn’t call myself an activist.

The dictionary says Feminism is: 1. the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes and; 2. organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests.

Now, all I ever wanted, (mind you, my all I ever wanted changes in each context and I refuse to explain this further) was to be free - as a human being - to pursue my dreams, to my heart’s content. The fact that my dreams shift and evolve and change over time as my experiences in life and interests do so too, and the fact that all I ever wanted 10 years ago, isn’t all I ever wanted 2 minutes ago, is not at all relevant.

A couple of weeks ago, I found a French video post titled Majorité Opprimée (Oppressed Majority), by Eleonore Pourriat (I’ve shared the link below) on Youtube. Somehow, this was like a kick in the gut for me, and the video, sort of brought my whole idea of feminism crashing down. I realized that feminism or this fighting wasn’t entirely what I thought it to be… Somehow, it’s lesser about rights and more about a power balance.

Feminism has long been associated with or referred to as ‘Man-hating’ and I’ve given this a bit of thought.

Being a heterosexual woman, I constantly find myself being attracted to men who come across as ‘tough’ or ‘strong’ and I find it difficult to connect with a guy who gives off a ‘helpless’ or ‘weak’ vibe… My main reason, I think, is that I feel safer with the prior than the latter. However, as a woman in a man dominated society, I usually don’t allow (or fight against it like a bi*ch when I can’t prevent it) my family or friends - especially the male ones - to be protective of me because I think they have the nasty habit of going overboard to the point of becoming controlling. And I don’t do very well being controlled.

Scratch that, I do terrible – hissing, spitting-fire, claws-extended, kind of terrible – when being controlled!

So most males I associate with think I’m scorning their manliness, when what I’m really trying to communicate is, “Look buddy - I appreciate your concern - but I got this under control, so back off before it gets ugly.” In my defense, I do call for help when I genuinely need it and I say "please" and "thank you" when I do. It really doesn’t mean I’m asking for my right to freedom as a woman – it means I have a right to freedom, period.

The bottom line is, I don’t allow people in general to assume they can, or have a right to control me: my actions, thoughts, the way I dress, the way I talk, what I talk about and - of course, we can’t forget - my attitude. However, in a partner - definitely a man - I look for someone who is in control (and that is what I want, you can feel differently about this)…

So, can I be a Man-Loving feminist?

Why not?

When I say a man in control, I’m thinking man who’s got his act together – not a man in control of me. He knows what he’s doing and where he’s going not only with himself, but also with me, and he’s not so insecure that he feels the need to change me in order to for the relationship to work. He’ll know it’s something both of us will work on together, adapting, compromising, and growing in that space.

So, back to what feminism is or is not to me. I think feminism is only one aspect of what some people call “the pursuit of happiness”. In the end, it’s not really about women. It’s about all who are oppressed or suffer discrimination of one form or the other. Man over Woman; White over Black; Straight over Gay; Majority over Minority… Each and every day, we see this, all around us. One group deciding what is ok or not ok for the other to do, because, they are superior. There’s a power struggle. Take that power away from the former and give it to the latter in each case, you know very well, nothing – absolutely nothing – is going to change. The world will not be a prettier place. Well, maybe, we’ll see guys wearing skirts for a change – who knows...

But real happiness, happiness shared, is when everyone, regardless of their various demographics, can find acceptance for who they are – without having to fight for it. After all, aren’t we all a little bit different from everyone else, yet so much alike in our need for recognition and even more, our need to be happy?

To see Majorité Opprimée (Oppressed Majority), by Eleonore Pourriat go to >>>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4UWxlVvT1A