My Love - an illusion...

(You remember it was her... She was the one who started it - every single time...)

She says, “Let’s go out - somewhere nice.”

He says, “No”

“Why not?” She pleads.

“I can’t”

“The kids want to go.” She tries a different approach.

“So, why don’t you take them and go then?”

“We can’t go without you!”

“Why? I don’t want to go. You go ahead.”

“It’s our day off... The kids don’t have school... We don’t always get chances like this...”

“Yes,” he says, “It’s my day off, I've been running around all week, I’m tired, I don’t want to go!”

You can see the tears. You know they are for him. You can see she’s hurting.

But you don’t know what you can do to make it better.

You know he’s tired. You understand.

He’s making money, saving for his children; so that they don’t suffer like him - so that they don’t have to struggle.

He forgets that she’s been working too; bringing home her pay, so that he can save it for them.

And doing the laundry, cooking, checking the kids’ homework – she did that too...                       

He forgets (or ignores the fact) he is married to her – they promised to walk this path holding each others’ hands – they are in this together.

When did she stop being his wife and become the mother of his children? Why?

So what if love is not forever and honeymoons do come to an end?

What do you make of the person that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with and of the promise you made?

Deep inside, you know (you hope) that he loves her still.

You make excuses for him - he just doesn't know it. He lost touch with that part of him along the way; the part with which he shared his dreams with her, told her funny stories and yes, even convinced her to marry him. You know it was him who did that. It was his idea. “Marry me”, he’d said.

And her? What about her? You know she's still in love with that guy who she met - and married - those many years ago... 

You stand there looking at them facing off and you know. You realize...

***

Have you ever seen parents make a vow to their child? “...to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, ’til death do us part...”?

No? I haven’t either. But I've seen weddings; many of them. Actually, my friends are going to be upset when they hear this, but I hate weddings... I’m bored to death by them, most of the time. If possible, I avoid them like the plague.

Anyway, with weddings, come the promises...

Do we humans find it so much harder to keep the promises that we didn't make and that much easier break the ones we did?

What happened to unconditional love? Is that only for your children? Or is that too, just an illusion?

 “So what do you realize now?” you’ll ask me, “That love is just an illusion?”

“No.” I’ll say 

No... Love, is not an illusion.

Our definition of it is. 

Love does exist. It’s very real. Like the snow-storm in Maryland last night, the heavy rain in Muscat and the dry weather in Colombo. It’s just in different forms and phases of existence each time you see it.

You need to understand “Love” to really enjoy it and there are two things you absolutely must know.

One: that the part of your heart that you love with, is like a battery – with a separate cell for each person - that needs to be charged regularly. If you let it die and leave it without recharging (manufacturer’s note: each cell should be charged separately), it’ll be hard to revive again – sometimes, impossible. Thank the deities that created our hearts, that there are an infinite number of cells within, whether you were aware of it or not, so you never really run out of space...

Two: as you go on, the person you love – and yourself – are constantly changing, evolving. Your dreams and aspirations, your lifestyle, desires - everything is in a state of perpetual change. So if you go on loving the person you first met, one day, you’re going to wake up and find out, that what you have loved all these years, is the memory of a person long since dead and you have absolutely no clue as to who the stranger sitting next to you is! So you need to keep updating the image of the "person" you love, in that cell you keep for them. 

What? No one said it was going to be easy!

***

You realize...

They’re not alone in this - being ignorant of “Love”

They didn't take the time to hold hands in the journey in between then and now. Too busy taking the kids to school and working their asses of making money - money that will never last - ironically, money that has no value...

They didn't see the changes when they came. May be it was the sex. Or was it the long working hours? Was it that they lost touch with certain friends of a bygone era and then, life was never the same again? Of course the kids were to blame too. Bet they didn't realize that.

So they didn't take the time to love again - try not to limit love to the shadows of the past - you need to remember the past, so that you know why it’s worth loving again.

So many lost souls traverse the earth every day, not knowing, ignorant of the true qualities of Love.

You want to scream at them, “If you can understand what water vapour and snow and a gurgling stream have in common, why can’t you understand Love???”

“It’s always there, like the phases of water; in and around us, in its many forms and phases - that you might not be able to see and feel all the time! You just got to believe...”

***

P.S. – a little advice to lots of my friends who are new parents and the ones in the making – please hold hands while you watch your kids growing up. Sometimes it’s hard to do that, what with the big one going for Cricket practices and the little one going through a heavy metal phase and that new business you just set up. But at the end of the day, remember; kids will grow up and move out. It’s going to be just the two of you then and trust me - you do not want to be home alone with a total stranger... 

***

And in the background, I hear strains of Shania Twain's You're still the one playing on Sun FM - 98.7 Island wide...

It's 8.39 pm... Valentine's Day 2014 - a very touchy day for me, here in Colombo...